The only benefits which we can offer at this time are as follows: – Official membership certificates, which can be emailed or snailmailed to you (if you prefer the latter, however, you’ll have to send a self-addressed-stamped-envelope to our physical address (14625 Baltimore Avenue, Suite 152, Laurel, MD 20707), and the turn-around time on that will naturally be a little longer than via email); – Security in the knowledge that, provided you Truly Believe and Have the Utmost Faith, and follow our tenets, you shall be doing a great service to your Sacred Animal, for which I am certain they shall most definitely be eternally grateful, and happier and healthier to boot; – An assurance that you shall acheive eternal salvation upon your death: anyone who does NOT receive eternal salvation upon their death, please email us immediately at the address listed above: it’s a bit of a bureaucracy up there, and things do sometimes get a little mixed up: I’m sure you understand. Either way, simply email us after your fleshly demise, and We promise to set things aright for you in the Eternal Hereafter.
Welcome, Brethren, to the First Church of Zoophilia
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