Cheney Admits Vast Holdings in Duct Tape and Plastic Sheeting

A potentially embarrassing bombshell hit the Bush administration today as it was revealed that Vice President Dick Cheney controls a company that has virtually cornered the world market in duct tape and plastic sheeting… While Vice President Cheney released a brief statement disavowing any conflict of interest, Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge came under renewed pressure to explain precisely how duct tape and plastic sheeting could be used in the war against terror. “If you see someone you suspect is a terrorist, sneak up behind him and wrap him up tightly,” Ridge said. “This is a simple thing each and every one of us can do.”